As a whole, INTJs not only seek, but need, depth and meaning in their lives. Not that we are above being shallow, but I find myself feeling less and less myself when I feel scattered and unfocused and have little time to spend in deep thought.
But what do you do when life is busy and you have a four-year-old running around beating on drums and overflowing toilets so that the crescent waterfall floods the bathroom floor and inch full? My brain feels easily scattered and tired and in need of a meeting with my soul. I want, even need, to take time to think deeply, but that is hard work, and when I feel pulled in different directions and distracted by life's constant noise, it's just easier to succumb to anesthetizing activities.
And then I feel less myself and more scattered.
When Adam McHugh, in Introverts in the Church, describes the schedule he maintains to acknowledge his Introverted need to recharge and contemplate during the day, I feel like his life must be like heaven! The book has some exceptional insights, but for most of us, the luxury of space and time in our daily schedule is something we only dream about--especially if you are a mom. And so, it becomes about priorities, giving up some things to get others.
I can't have hours of freedom during the day to think and pray and write, I have a four year old and a ministry role. I have laundry and grocery shopping and friends who are going through crises. But, not only does my personality desire depth, my faith demands it; and so, I have decisions to make.
Writing draws my thoughts together in a way that nothing else does, and I love it. But, it is also hard work--excruciatingly hard! No one promised me that depth came easily, although some days I guess I assume that it does. So, do I decide to reign in the scattered thoughts in my head, measure them by the Lord, and pour them out on paper like a blood offering, or do I watch another show on Netflix? Do I take the time to think and pray or do I snag a few extra hours of sleep?
Despite what the world tells me, I can't have it all. I can have the redeeming challenge of depth or I can have the deceptive ease of shallowness. I must choose, and the choice is obvious, although perhaps uncomfortable, because a scattered and shallow mind does no one any good.
