The Scattered Mind

As a whole, INTJs not only seek, but need, depth and meaning in their lives. Not that we are above being shallow, but I find myself feeling less and less myself when I feel scattered and unfocused and have little time to spend in deep thought.

But what do you do when life is busy and you have a four-year-old running around beating on drums and overflowing toilets so that the crescent waterfall floods the bathroom floor and inch full? My brain feels easily scattered and tired and in need of a meeting with my soul. I want, even need, to take time to think deeply, but that is hard work, and when I feel pulled in different directions and distracted by life's constant noise, it's just easier to succumb to anesthetizing activities.

And then I feel less myself and more scattered.

When Adam McHugh, in Introverts in the Church, describes the schedule he maintains to acknowledge his Introverted need to recharge and contemplate during the day, I feel like his life must be like heaven! The book has some exceptional insights, but for most of us, the luxury of space and time in our daily schedule is something we only dream about--especially if you are a mom. And so, it becomes about priorities, giving up some things to get others.

I can't have hours of freedom during the day to think and pray and write, I have a four year old and a ministry role. I have laundry and grocery shopping and friends who are going through crises. But, not only does my personality desire depth, my faith demands it; and so, I have decisions to make.

Writing draws my thoughts together in a way that nothing else does, and I love it. But, it is also hard work--excruciatingly hard! No one promised me that depth came easily, although some days I guess I assume that it does. So, do I decide to reign in the scattered thoughts in my head, measure them by the Lord, and pour them out on paper like a blood offering, or do I watch another show on Netflix? Do I take the time to think and pray or do I snag a few extra hours of sleep?

Despite what the world tells me, I can't have it all. I can have the redeeming challenge of depth or I can have the deceptive ease of shallowness. I must choose, and the choice is obvious, although perhaps uncomfortable, because a scattered and shallow mind does no one any good.

The Faith of an INTJ

Someone recently told me that to be an INTJ and a "Christ-follower" was non-sensical and could not be done.  Ahh, a good debate.  A tornado of thoughts touched down in my brain and I am now trying to settle them down and command sense out of them. 

My first thought was to list all the reasons this statement was untrue.  But, of late, I've been told I can be too opinionated, so I tried a different approach: first acknowledging the truth inherant in the statement. 

By nature, we INTJs are cerebral.  Everything we see must be tested for accuracy and then improved upon for greatness.  Our greatest pleasure is in seeing things in the world others can't see and navigating a clear path through the madness.  This is mostly done in our heads.  We are self-reliant creatures.  We believe in what we can imagine, and what we imagine usually includes a complex plan for achievement.  We are explorers, pursuing knowledge, mapping out an undiscovered universe in our minds, in which we can sometimes see ourselves as the center.

We're habitual skeptics; doubt comes naturally, because there is no thing that can't be made better and, let's face it, most things in life can use a LOT of improvement.  On a bad day, this can make us pompous nay-sayers, but on a good day, we are the voice that challenges good ideas to be great.  "Challenge everything to be great" could be our motto.

We are an autonomous group of people...it even feels a little weird to say we are a "group of people."  We like our independence.  We tend not to lend much credence to titles and make people prove they deserve them.  Esteem and respect are doled out cautiously, as the highest honors we give.

In light of these things, it's true, we INTJs might not be voted "Most likely to be a 'Christ-follower.'"  I can see what this person means when they imply that it defies logic.  An independent, autonomous person following someone seems unlikely.  A doubter and skeptic surely rejects faith.  Thankfully for me (and the rest of the INTJs out there), this isn't the end of the story.  God is a master at accomplishing impossible things!

In my journey of faith I wish I could say that I naturally had the faith of a child; instead I've spent years looking for my doubts and questions to be answered, as if God owed me this.  But I have realized, human thinking only explains part of the story, the real story is much, much bigger.  And, there's nothing an INTJ loves more than unfathomably big ideas.  The universe inside my mind is so incredibly small in comparison to God's universe...more room to explore!

I am not a Christ-follower because I blindly follow, I follow Christ literally and figuratively, in that, there is nothing I am asked to do that He has not already endured.  He has my highest esteem and respect.  Also, our journey, as Christians, is about Christ working His perfection out in us until the day it is completed before God's throne.  As INTJs, we seek challenge and improvement and a life called to follow Christ in self-death certainly finds these things.  The catch for us independent creatures is this is God's work, not ours.  If we have faith only in our own competence, as we are apt to do, we will eventually find failure...and then what? 

C.S. Lewis is my favorite writer for many reasons, but especially because he proves it is absolutely possible to be brilliant and a Christian.  He says something I love: "I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."  I know the Son has risen, because I see His light evidenced in my life and by His light I am given new eyes to see meaning in the rest of the world.

So, in the end, my fellow skeptic, you make a good point.  It does seem improbable for an INTJ to be a Christ-follower.  But, then I look at my life and the lives of my fellow Christian INTJs and I think, what better proof that there is a God then to see a bunch of skeptical, self-reliant, intellectual, sometimes pompous, truth-seekers pursuing God and His Kingdom?  And, God, in His mercy, has even made it possible that who we are, and what we seek, can find fulfillment in Him.  Amazing.

My Idea, My Friend

Adam McHugh writes in his book Introverts in the Church, "Introverts (especially those who score high in the 'thinking' category of the Myers-Briggs) treat our ideas like friends, devoting the same energy and time to them.  Likewise, we consider books and authors as mentors, or as midwives to our most profound ideas."

I've felt this way my whole life.

My ideas and I have a relationship of sorts.  You might find that weird (or maybe you're secretly saying, me too!).  I remember, even as a child, climbing to the top of a corkscrew willow tree in my backyard and spending hours with my thoughts.  Silence is never silent when my brain is present.  There's a give and take that happens in the wide open places of my mind--a conversation of sorts.  It's almost as if my ideas are an entity of their own, surprising even me as they take shape. 

I can never relate when people talk about being bored by too much alone time, like hating to drive long distances all alone.  I love any time that I get to spend with my ideas; the longer the time the better the conversation.

Even if some think so, I'm not talking about reclusive and neurotic behavior.  I love a good conversation with another person too.  But, as an Introvert, I am energized and refreshed from the inside out.  It's how I can drive alone for six hours and feel energized when I arrive at my destination, or sit in a class for hours on end and not need to get up for a break.  I feel most centered, most alive, when my ideas and I get to spend time together...good quality time. 

It's the balance that is hard to find in life.  Later in the same paragraph, McHugh writes "While extroverts may gauge their day by the quality of interactions and experiences they had, introverts often gauge their day by the thoughts and reflections they had."  There are so many relationships vying for time and attention, the invisible ones in my head can be the easiest to ignore.  But then I find myself feeling shallow and unimaginative, just going through the repetition of every day.  

I can't abandon life and ministry for a monastery (however tempting it seems), but I do need to make space in life for my ideas to ground me in what it all means.  Without it I am an empty shell, lacking the best part of me to share with the world.

I don't have a favorite tree to climb anymore and I have a three-year-old running around constantly, but in the moments where I retreat to a coffee shop to write, and watch people, you'll see the light slowly come back to my face.  It's where my ideas and I have a reunion of sorts and we are all better for having spent time with one another.

Rant of a Book Worm

I'm appalled.  I just read a blog that quoted these stats:

• 33% of high school graduates never read another book for the rest of their lives.
• 42% of college graduates never read another book after college.
• 80% of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year.
• 70% of U.S. adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.
• 57% of new books are not read to completion.

The author followed these statistics by saying we probably aren't surprised by this, but I am!  I'm a reader.  I come from a family of readers.  I have friends that are readers.  I had no idea that everyone else is not!  Can you imagine a life where you never read a book again after high school?  Or, not buying or reading a book for and with your family in a whole year?  I can't.  It's totally outside my world view.  It makes me sad to think about all those people are missing out on.

Words have the power to unleash new things in our minds, and if in our minds, then in the world.  Think about it...God could have chosen any way to communicate with His people, but He chose the written word of the Bible.  Jesus is described as The Word in the book of John.  Spoken word is powerful...the world was created by the words formed by God's mouth.  But for words to be eternal, they get printed on a page. 

Printed letters, combined into words, grouped into sentences, have perpetual impact.  Please tell me I'm not the only nerd who dwells on these things!  The Bible is often referred to as the Living Word because the power of the Holy Spirit makes it purposeful in all lives for all time.  Other literature does not have the force of the Holy Spirit behind it, but, in its own way, is alive too.  Good literature tells a specific story that we may or may not relate to, but it also reveals pieces of humanity, like fear or friendship or jealousy or courage or love, and we can all relate to those.  These messages can mean different things to different people and answer questions that cross generations.

There are so many of life's issues for which reading is the answer...
Do you want to know about the world?  Read.
Do you want to learn about yourself?  Read.
Do you want to be a better writer?  Read.
Do you want to understand others?  Read.
Do you want to have something intelligent to say at parties?  Read.
Do you want a slower pace of life?  Read.
Do you want to tap into the eternity of humanity...what was, what is, what will be?  Read.
Do you want to know how a mere Hobbit can change the world?  Read.

For heaven's sake people, buy a book!  Borrow a book if you're broke.  Own a library card.  Encourage your kids to read.  Read books you love.  Read books that make you uncomfortable.  You will find the boundaries of your mind and your life stretched in this endeavor.  The world needs a more literate you.

Help, I've Been Cerebrally Assualted!

Have you ever left an encounter with someone and felt that your brain has taken a beating?  I'm not talking about a healthy sparing match where each party leaves with satisfied bruising, this is more like being mentally mugged.  It happens far too often; a chance encounter while shopping, a meeting, a conversation at a social event.  One minute you feel all is right in the world, and the next you are cerebrally assaulted, someone's stupidity acting as a black hole and sucking all intelligent properties out of the conversation, gobbling up any intellectual contributions you offer and smothering them in nothingness.

It happens to me all the time.  I am not naturally a patient person; my selfishness fights the Holy Spirit from infusing me with this quality on a regular basis.  I find myself rolling my eyes, figuratively and literally, at all hours of the day.  If only people weren't so stupid, life would be better, more tolerable.

My Dad often has told me, "Stupid people need love too." To which I respond, "Maybe.  But not mine."

My natural tendency is to dismiss anything that isn't logical, intellectual, or constructive, and, honestly, the lack of those qualities equates a lack of value in my mind.  It isn't right, but that's my first reaction.  I spend a lot of energy trying to avoid these types of encounters, but with the world the way it is, there is no escape.  Frustrating.  But, I have come to the conclusion that there are only two postures I can take in these experiences...pride or humility. 

Naturally, I defer to pride.  I am prone to walk away feeling superior.  This is, however, not the Christ-like approach.  My usual response to a cerebral assault is to strike back, to put stupid in its rightful place, or to walk away aloof and dismissive. But, if I am to be more like Christ I have to learn to turn the other metaphorical brain-cheek.  Thanks, may I hear another of your ideas please?  And then try to listen without condescension.

It isn't just someone else's job to love stupid people.  It's mine too.  And, by loving them they become a little less stupid and a little more human...with flaws and failures and varying gifts just like me.  This will, no doubt, be a life-long journey for me.  Thankfully, our value to the Kingdom and the world is not based on our lack of intelligence or lack of affinity with people, but in a God, who possess those qualities infinitely greater than we ever could, who decided to love us anyway and breathe value into us through His Son.

Intelligence is important.  Very important.  You could argue that without it we all would die strange and humiliating deaths.  But, humility, patience, love...these keep people like me out of prison (from homicidal impulses) and bring people into the Kingdom of God, and that's what life's all about.  Well, maybe the prison thing is secondary, but you get my point.