How to Hug an INTJ

I don't hate hugs, it's just that, like other social interactions, I feel awkward while attempting them. As a whole, we INTJs aren't known for our touchy-feely behavior. We have larger than normal personal bubbles, and physical interactions (just as with everything) tend to be purposeful and business-like.

Hugging is a social expectation that I could do without 95% of the time. Not only is there the issue of the invasion of personal space, but I'm not always the best at picking up social cues. To hug or not to hug? Is now the appropriate moment? Are they a side-hugger? Whose arm goes on top (tall women have to worry about these extra things)? What is the appropriate length of this hug? Who lets go first? It's just stressful.

With a recent move there has been lots of hugging, many of which were meaningful, some of which were just awkward. But, there was one hug that made me laugh even while I cried; it was with another INTJ. There were very few words spoken. The length of the hug (although maybe not long by other's standards) said volumes. We both got choked up and did what any good INTJ would do in an emotional situation, say a gruff goodbye and turn and walk our separate ways. We had said all we needed to say.

Most hugs don't speak INTJ language. And, while we look self-assured, in social situations, we're taking our cues from the rest of you! So, non-INTJs, here's how to hug an INTJ:

1. Don't. I'm only joking (mostly). But there is something to be said about a good handshake.
2. Make exaggerated hugging gestures as you approach so we have time to prepare ourselves.
3. Get straight to business. A firm and brief technique is preferred.
4. And, finally, let go. If your form of hug isn't brief, give us verbal play-by-play, "I love hugs. I'm not letting go yet!" That way we can worry less about when to let go and more about being emotionally assaulted.

The Faith of an INTJ

Someone recently told me that to be an INTJ and a "Christ-follower" was non-sensical and could not be done.  Ahh, a good debate.  A tornado of thoughts touched down in my brain and I am now trying to settle them down and command sense out of them. 

My first thought was to list all the reasons this statement was untrue.  But, of late, I've been told I can be too opinionated, so I tried a different approach: first acknowledging the truth inherant in the statement. 

By nature, we INTJs are cerebral.  Everything we see must be tested for accuracy and then improved upon for greatness.  Our greatest pleasure is in seeing things in the world others can't see and navigating a clear path through the madness.  This is mostly done in our heads.  We are self-reliant creatures.  We believe in what we can imagine, and what we imagine usually includes a complex plan for achievement.  We are explorers, pursuing knowledge, mapping out an undiscovered universe in our minds, in which we can sometimes see ourselves as the center.

We're habitual skeptics; doubt comes naturally, because there is no thing that can't be made better and, let's face it, most things in life can use a LOT of improvement.  On a bad day, this can make us pompous nay-sayers, but on a good day, we are the voice that challenges good ideas to be great.  "Challenge everything to be great" could be our motto.

We are an autonomous group of people...it even feels a little weird to say we are a "group of people."  We like our independence.  We tend not to lend much credence to titles and make people prove they deserve them.  Esteem and respect are doled out cautiously, as the highest honors we give.

In light of these things, it's true, we INTJs might not be voted "Most likely to be a 'Christ-follower.'"  I can see what this person means when they imply that it defies logic.  An independent, autonomous person following someone seems unlikely.  A doubter and skeptic surely rejects faith.  Thankfully for me (and the rest of the INTJs out there), this isn't the end of the story.  God is a master at accomplishing impossible things!

In my journey of faith I wish I could say that I naturally had the faith of a child; instead I've spent years looking for my doubts and questions to be answered, as if God owed me this.  But I have realized, human thinking only explains part of the story, the real story is much, much bigger.  And, there's nothing an INTJ loves more than unfathomably big ideas.  The universe inside my mind is so incredibly small in comparison to God's universe...more room to explore!

I am not a Christ-follower because I blindly follow, I follow Christ literally and figuratively, in that, there is nothing I am asked to do that He has not already endured.  He has my highest esteem and respect.  Also, our journey, as Christians, is about Christ working His perfection out in us until the day it is completed before God's throne.  As INTJs, we seek challenge and improvement and a life called to follow Christ in self-death certainly finds these things.  The catch for us independent creatures is this is God's work, not ours.  If we have faith only in our own competence, as we are apt to do, we will eventually find failure...and then what? 

C.S. Lewis is my favorite writer for many reasons, but especially because he proves it is absolutely possible to be brilliant and a Christian.  He says something I love: "I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."  I know the Son has risen, because I see His light evidenced in my life and by His light I am given new eyes to see meaning in the rest of the world.

So, in the end, my fellow skeptic, you make a good point.  It does seem improbable for an INTJ to be a Christ-follower.  But, then I look at my life and the lives of my fellow Christian INTJs and I think, what better proof that there is a God then to see a bunch of skeptical, self-reliant, intellectual, sometimes pompous, truth-seekers pursuing God and His Kingdom?  And, God, in His mercy, has even made it possible that who we are, and what we seek, can find fulfillment in Him.  Amazing.