I'm reading a book called Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture by Adam McHugh. As I'm nearing the end of the book I feel I have not fully harnessed it's potential ability to change my life and so I will most likely read it again when I'm done. There is a lot of practical wisdom crammed between its figurative cover (What will we ever do with our book-inspired metaphors now that everyone, including myself, have e-readers?).
This book has helped me identify some unhealthy patterns in my life and given me the "permission" to set rhythms to my life that fit me. I've recently crawled out of a pretty dark place, both emotionally and spiritually with symptoms that felt a lot like depression. In this book McHugh suggest that when many Introverts feel they are experiencing depression, they are often actually entrenched in an Introverted burn out.
I was burned out on ministry, extended beyond my limits, and then experienced a loss of feeling centered (which is so important to us Introverts!) for an extended period of time. I wore anger, apathy, depression, and anxiety like different hats each day. I disconnected from relationships and found myself doing as little as possible each day. I was in an Introverted Funk, not to lessen some very real aspects of Spiritual warfare and ministry challenges that were also in play. But, being able to look back and give appropriate labels to what I experienced is going to be key in helping me not repeat this pattern in my life. Who knew, eating chocolate was not listed as a helpful strategy for regaining equilibrium. If clothes could cheer there would be a chorus from my closet at this thought!
McHugh talks about setting rhythms that allow us as Introverts to Engage and Retreat in the outer world. These include daily rhythms, as well as different seasons in life and ministry. In order to embrace who God made me, I have to learn to maximize my gifts and steward my person. I need time of quiet to recharge, daily, weekly, etc. to "retreat" in order that I can fully give myself to the service of others.
It's easy to feel guilty about our need to "retreat." Extroverts don't understand it. Extroverted spouses don't get it, children can't comprehend it, and friends, co-workers, and society generally look down upon it. But feeling guilty about it isn't acknowledging the fact that God knew what He was doing when He made us Introverts! It's also easy to ignore the discipline necessary to be healthy and resort to eating copious amounts of chocolate cake, or living with feelings of apathy and cringing when people suggest any get together at all...but it doesn't have to be and shouldn't be that way.
It takes. I think, extra intentionality to be a healthy Introvert in such an Extroverted world. We need to give ourselves permission to be who God made us to be, while finding opportunities to stretch ourselves. I'm working hard to discipline myself into healthy rhythms so I can be a better missionary, wife, and mother. It's a day to day process I can only hope I will get more adept at with time.
Get the book...it might change your life too!
You got my attention... Now, I need you to write another post on exactly how to "retreat" when you are home with kids all day yappin in your ear and then have friends and ministry too. How do you do it? I might need bullet points :) And I just might check out that book.
ReplyDeleteI am an INTJ and Christian too. I get up early in the morning to spend time with the Lord before my kids get up. I also spend time alone with God during their nap time. Then when they go to bed, I do it again. I just moved to a new area, so I am still on the process of making friends... in my opinion, bible study seems to be the best outlet. It energizes me to share what God has taught me during my quiet time. ( I am not sure if all INTJs have the gift of teaching). But, anyway, that's how I do it, I don' know what season God put you in...
DeletePS: Other introverts seem to crave a more long term steady with a deep conversation as I do ( INFJ, ISTJ)... Even though i don't see them everyday, it helps me to get together with them once a month or so.
I googled intj Christian woman and found your blog. I can't tell you how good it is to not feel alone. I am also married to an ESFP and, get this, I have 4 children. There is very little rest or quiet in my life and I'm beginning to feel like I'm losing touch with my true self. I think I'm in an introverted funk. I will be back to visit you, you can be sure of that.
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