One day last week I actually had the thought, "Hmm, hamsters have the life. What I wouldn't give for my own personal bubble." Granted, being trapped inside an ever-spinning ball really wasn't what I was going for...maybe more like a Cone of Silence. Yes. Some days I would kill for a Cone of Silence.
Last week was our Spring Break Program at World Impact. We had 30 kids running around and I had 9 volunteers and several staff to direct and a crazy extroverted three-year-old doing donuts around the gym. It was a great week but the Introvert in me flew to my knees and cried Hallelujah! when the last child exited the front door on Friday night.
Between planning, organizing, hosting the volunteers, and running the program, and getting next to no sleep, it was a long two weeks of extroverting, which ended with our family and our staff getting the stomach flu...so I'm still trying to recover. Saturday, after our kid's program was over, we hosted an eye glass clinic for people in the community. I could tell I had reached my people limit. Some very nice lady was asking about my life story and I could give her little more than one word answers. I knew it was insufficient and I sort of half wished that I could offer more, but I didn't have the energy to elaborate.
In moments like this I become an angry Introvert, sick and tired of people and yet, ever so slightly guilty that I can't just keep on giving. I start feeling like I'm not any fun to be around (probably because I'm not) and I get jealous of people who can extrovert all day long and still have energy to give at the end of the day.
I've spent my entire life with this cycle. I like to call it The Introverted Funk. I'm in it right now. I'm short and impatient. I feel like crawling in my closet for a moments peace...but hey, I'll take a hamster ball if that's all that's available. I am filled with dread at the busyness to come. I'm so tired I could just fall over asleep at any moment.
It's time to pause and as my wise three-year-old reminded me today, "Mama, take a DEEEEEP breath. It's gonna be OOOOOK."
We've got so much to do that there's not much time for an Introvert to gain equilibrium, but I have to make time to survive. It does take more work for us Introverts to stay healthy. There's no sense in wishing I could be different when I get to the Angry Introvert stage, I just need to take the necessary steps to be able to engage with the world again.
I'm gonna take a deep breath and find somewhere to hide for a little while. If you can't find me anywhere, don't look in the closets it may be my only people-free sanctuary. Oh and if anyone has a Cone of Silence lying around, feel free to send it my way.
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