When Silence is Better than Sleep

I love to sleep.  It's been shown that Introverts need more sleep than Extroverts and if I'm any indication, it's true.  The worst thing about mornings is that they come every single day.  If it wasn't a requirement for life, I'd do away with them all together.  I can sleep for hours, take a nap, and sleep some more.

Parenting makes me tired.  Probably more than anything else.  The talking, the lack of personal space, the constant activity...the talking.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my Little Nut for anything but, seriously, it's exhausting.  It's a curse for us Introverted parents.  I mean, every parent is chronically tired, but the Introverted mother finds no peace. 

You'd think with this exhaustion I would want to sleep whenever I could but I find myself wanting to stay up late, even avoiding an opportunity for a little Sunday afternoon nap in favor of...silence. 

Blessed, blessed silence.

Sleep is great but before you know it you're awake again and the noise starts all over again, so I stay awake and revel in silence...or noise only I choose to make.  Usually I'm so over-extroverted that nothing truly productive gets done during these times but even totally exhausted time without a hyperactive three-year-old feels wonderful.  No grabby hands and high-pitched singing and endless questions...just me, by myself, on the whole couch. 

Sleep?  Sleep can wait.  Silence is calling.

Pasta Weekend and Other Gold-Star Mom Moments

This weekend Andrew was working at a Men's Retreat, and so, it was me and Little Nut mostly on our own.  Thursday night our family went to Olive Garden because they now have a "Buy one entree and take one home" deal and, hey, we're missionaries...and I hate to cook.

I calculated that if the three of us shared two entrees on Thursday night, Nut Boy and I could share one take-home entree on Friday and one on Saturday, thereby eliminating the need to make dinner for two days!  Mmmmm....we love pasta so much we'll eat it for three days!  And that's just what we did.  I mean, of course, I microwaved some canned green beans as a side one night and even cooked some carrots the next!  And, Olive Garden provides a nice microwaveable bowl and lid to reheat the pasta, which also double nicely as plates (Nut Boy with the bowl, and I with the lid).  And that is the tale of our delicious, although not very nutritious, Pasta Weekend.

Also, having been Andrew's birthday (he's old, I mean, 35) this weekend we made the most ginormous ice cream cookie sandwiches you have ever seen.  Mainly they turned out that way because I rarely bake and overestimated the size needed for a slightly larger than normal sized cookie!  And, like any good Mom who knows the risk of salmonella and yet still feels the joys of eating cookie dough are worth the risk for her children, I allowed this...

And, all of this pasta eating and salmonella risking, was done in between copious amounts of movie watching.  That thing about TVs corroding your brain...totally a myth.  I've been fighting a cold all week and, considering it's about the only time Nut Boy will sit still and stop talking (I mean, seriously, I think he has a secret stash of coffee beans somewhere), I've had him spend more time than usual in front of the Boob Tube.  So much apparently that the other day he actually ASKED to do "School Time."  I choose to see that as if I have instilled in him a great love of learning, that in the face of watching yet another movie he chose tracing letters and doing flashcards!  He passed the test.  Me on the other hand?

And then there is Halloween.  I grew up not celebrating Halloween and never really gave it much thought until we had a kid.  I've decided that there is much freedom in Christ, and I have no moral qualms with dressing up and eating candy...we don't celebrate evil...Jesus is Lord every day in our home.  But, I have found that in this freedom I now find myself in a quandary.  The truth is, I don't really feel like expending the energy to make a costume and do one more thing...ministry and chores and other activities for the child make our days full.  So, my kid is not dressing up today, not because I believe it's wrong, but because I choose to do other things with my time.  Is that bad to say out loud?

So, let's review...

Abuse of take-out food and relying on canned veggies to provide nutrition.  Check.

Only feeling a tiny twinge of guilt as my child licks potentially life-threatening cookie dough.  Check.

Using TV to babysit my son when I'm sick or trying to get a moment of life-saving relative silence.  Check.

Depriving my kid of the childhood joys of Halloween dress-up and candy for my own sanity.  Check.

Yeah, I'm that Mom. Whose handing out the gold stars??

'Cause INTJs Laugh Too...On the Inside

 

Work it Out

I am task-oriented and I love a good project.  Work to me, at least work that involves something I find interesting, doesn't really feel like work.  There have been seasons of ministry where I have worked from 7 in the morning until midnight on a regular basis because there were project deadlines and programs to run, and while it was a season in which I experienced tremendous burnout, it wasn't so much the long hours as the projects themselves and the baggage that went with them that wore me down. 

Needless to say, "work" can become my life very quickly.  I am energized by production.  Unfortunately, during the insane and crazy season of ministry (and the accompanying burnout) my marriage became second priority...the INTJs default, "Tasks over people!" 

At the bottom of burnout hell I realized a lot of things had to change.  I took a step back and tried to set some healthier rhythms in place, not just for me, but also for my husband.  Now we have a son, a nutty three-year-old bouncing off the walls who craves attention.  It wreaks havoc on my productivity. 

I'm currently back in a ministry setting where projects are numerous and I am getting a serious itch to be insanely productive.  I can hardly stop thinking about the To-Do list sitting on my desk...not in a bad way, but in a sick and twisted, I-can't-wait-another-second-to-go-finish-my-project way. My preferred work style is "work straight through until it's done."  But, three-year-olds don't feed themselves, and, oh my, where did our kitchen counter go under all those dishes?

So it's a constant give and take, take and give rather...take 5 projects and give 3 back.  It's hard for me to keep in mind that this is a season.  But, my zany little boy won't be running around the house saying "Mama, look at me!" forever.  I'm comfortable with being a work-aholic, but life isn't just about how productive we are.  Mostly it's about how faithful we are to steward the gifts God has given us for His glory...and the relationships He's given us are a part of that too.

I won't give up on projects, and I'm always going to push the edge of being in full-time ministry AND being a wife and mother, but for now, I need to grow comfortable with a new level of productivity, one that includes playing pointless board games from time to time and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

The Off Switch

As a Dominant Introverted Intuitive, life is experienced from the inside out, and what's on the inside is big, Big, BIG (no chubby jokes, please).  It can be exciting, the world of ideas, but sometimes when those thoughts get filled with emotion, and heavy with confusion, the weight of them feels too much to bear.  I've sunk to some pretty dark places under their weight.  It's then that I am notorious about finding the "Off Switch"...any coping mechanism that will let me check out mentally, which includes mindless activities such as eating (again, quell the jokes), watching TV, and generally disengaging from relationships.  And, occasionally, I don't really know what to think and so I just let tasks take over.

Of course, the latter is much more outwardly productive, but more tasks make less room for relationships, which, ultimately, (as ideal as the thought may sound at times) is counterproductive for Kingdom-work.

I've been challenged recently to think about my actions as a pathway for the Holy Spirit to change my mind.  Instead of trying to make my thoughts and feelings change (which is darn near impossible), change my actions and let the Spirit draw my heart toward a rendezvous with those right actions.  More or less, reverse engineering.  For someone who lives on the inside so much this seems foreign, but I know there is wisdom in it. 

However, it doesn't mean flipping the "Off Switch" and completely disconnecting from what's going on inside.  I can't use actions as a means of denial, but as an acknowledgement of the inner chaos and a form of discipline for my wayward heart and mind.  Without that connection the actions are just the spinning of a top--going nowhere fast but back to where I've been.

Some days I need to take a moment to sort through my emotions, but most days I just need to get up and do what my heart doesn't want to...the wisdom is in knowing which day it is, and the knowing only comes from the illumination of the Holy Spirit.

 

"Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light."

How to Hug an INTJ

I don't hate hugs, it's just that, like other social interactions, I feel awkward while attempting them. As a whole, we INTJs aren't known for our touchy-feely behavior. We have larger than normal personal bubbles, and physical interactions (just as with everything) tend to be purposeful and business-like.

Hugging is a social expectation that I could do without 95% of the time. Not only is there the issue of the invasion of personal space, but I'm not always the best at picking up social cues. To hug or not to hug? Is now the appropriate moment? Are they a side-hugger? Whose arm goes on top (tall women have to worry about these extra things)? What is the appropriate length of this hug? Who lets go first? It's just stressful.

With a recent move there has been lots of hugging, many of which were meaningful, some of which were just awkward. But, there was one hug that made me laugh even while I cried; it was with another INTJ. There were very few words spoken. The length of the hug (although maybe not long by other's standards) said volumes. We both got choked up and did what any good INTJ would do in an emotional situation, say a gruff goodbye and turn and walk our separate ways. We had said all we needed to say.

Most hugs don't speak INTJ language. And, while we look self-assured, in social situations, we're taking our cues from the rest of you! So, non-INTJs, here's how to hug an INTJ:

1. Don't. I'm only joking (mostly). But there is something to be said about a good handshake.
2. Make exaggerated hugging gestures as you approach so we have time to prepare ourselves.
3. Get straight to business. A firm and brief technique is preferred.
4. And, finally, let go. If your form of hug isn't brief, give us verbal play-by-play, "I love hugs. I'm not letting go yet!" That way we can worry less about when to let go and more about being emotionally assaulted.

The Faith of an INTJ

Someone recently told me that to be an INTJ and a "Christ-follower" was non-sensical and could not be done.  Ahh, a good debate.  A tornado of thoughts touched down in my brain and I am now trying to settle them down and command sense out of them. 

My first thought was to list all the reasons this statement was untrue.  But, of late, I've been told I can be too opinionated, so I tried a different approach: first acknowledging the truth inherant in the statement. 

By nature, we INTJs are cerebral.  Everything we see must be tested for accuracy and then improved upon for greatness.  Our greatest pleasure is in seeing things in the world others can't see and navigating a clear path through the madness.  This is mostly done in our heads.  We are self-reliant creatures.  We believe in what we can imagine, and what we imagine usually includes a complex plan for achievement.  We are explorers, pursuing knowledge, mapping out an undiscovered universe in our minds, in which we can sometimes see ourselves as the center.

We're habitual skeptics; doubt comes naturally, because there is no thing that can't be made better and, let's face it, most things in life can use a LOT of improvement.  On a bad day, this can make us pompous nay-sayers, but on a good day, we are the voice that challenges good ideas to be great.  "Challenge everything to be great" could be our motto.

We are an autonomous group of people...it even feels a little weird to say we are a "group of people."  We like our independence.  We tend not to lend much credence to titles and make people prove they deserve them.  Esteem and respect are doled out cautiously, as the highest honors we give.

In light of these things, it's true, we INTJs might not be voted "Most likely to be a 'Christ-follower.'"  I can see what this person means when they imply that it defies logic.  An independent, autonomous person following someone seems unlikely.  A doubter and skeptic surely rejects faith.  Thankfully for me (and the rest of the INTJs out there), this isn't the end of the story.  God is a master at accomplishing impossible things!

In my journey of faith I wish I could say that I naturally had the faith of a child; instead I've spent years looking for my doubts and questions to be answered, as if God owed me this.  But I have realized, human thinking only explains part of the story, the real story is much, much bigger.  And, there's nothing an INTJ loves more than unfathomably big ideas.  The universe inside my mind is so incredibly small in comparison to God's universe...more room to explore!

I am not a Christ-follower because I blindly follow, I follow Christ literally and figuratively, in that, there is nothing I am asked to do that He has not already endured.  He has my highest esteem and respect.  Also, our journey, as Christians, is about Christ working His perfection out in us until the day it is completed before God's throne.  As INTJs, we seek challenge and improvement and a life called to follow Christ in self-death certainly finds these things.  The catch for us independent creatures is this is God's work, not ours.  If we have faith only in our own competence, as we are apt to do, we will eventually find failure...and then what? 

C.S. Lewis is my favorite writer for many reasons, but especially because he proves it is absolutely possible to be brilliant and a Christian.  He says something I love: "I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."  I know the Son has risen, because I see His light evidenced in my life and by His light I am given new eyes to see meaning in the rest of the world.

So, in the end, my fellow skeptic, you make a good point.  It does seem improbable for an INTJ to be a Christ-follower.  But, then I look at my life and the lives of my fellow Christian INTJs and I think, what better proof that there is a God then to see a bunch of skeptical, self-reliant, intellectual, sometimes pompous, truth-seekers pursuing God and His Kingdom?  And, God, in His mercy, has even made it possible that who we are, and what we seek, can find fulfillment in Him.  Amazing.