Introverted Mother. Extroverted Son.

I use, on average, fewer words than the average person in one day...certainly fewer than many of my fellow females.  When I hit a particularly chatty stretch I realize how unusual it is when my throat feels dry and overworked.  I like space and time to think.  I enjoy getting lost in the focus of a hobby, a good book, a work project.  I have a larger than normal personal bubble.  And then Little Man bulleted into our lives.

He's three and as extroverted as they come.  His average word usage is in the millions, well, probably not, but it feels that way.  He ricochets around the house and his lips move even faster than his feet.  How is it that every sentence begins with "Mama!"  There is incessant talking.  To me.  To his toys.  To his imaginary friends.  To no one in particular.  And, while toddlers aren't known for their personal boundaries, "Say it, don't spray it" is a regular slogan in our house as his little nose and fingers and arms invade any shred of personal space left!  It may embrass me to talk loudly or draw attention to myself in public, but, much to my humiliation, my little guy has no problem pointing and shouting, "Mama, look at that man's big eyebrows!"  And, to him, any open space is a stage, where signing and dancing can entertain all (thankfully he's three and it's still considered cute, I'm hoping I don't still have an air-guitar playing thirteen year old!).

Seven months into it I know that motherhood is not easy, but I think it can be particularly difficult for us introverts.  Being a Mom requires constant extroverting.  There is always a need, a cry, a grabbing hand, a question, a body clinging to your leg, or a blood-curdling scream to attend to.  Some days, I have searched for space in every possible opportunity, even taking to the kitchen to cook a meal!  Perhaps not a shocking statement unless you know how much I detest cooking (I'm pretty good with quesadillas though).

I love my funny, extroverted boy.  I love being able to hear him processing and learning all day.  I love his enthusiasm and wild, animated gestures.  But, an extroverted child requires even more verbal and physical interaction in a day, which means that noise you hear at 1 and 8 PM every day is me singing the hallelujah chorus as his little head hits the pillow! 

My little extrovert challenges me every day to learn and grow. One lesson my verbose son is modeling for his often taciturn mother is what verbal affirmation looks like. Encouragement flows from him with ease. "I love you, Mama," "Thank you for cooking lunch," "You are such a good cleaner. It makes me so happy. I'm so proud of you." I tell him God made him a very good encourager and that his encouragements are special gifts he can give people, and then I take notes on how to do better with that in my own life. 

I love that one of my roles is being a mom.  Sometimes Andrew and I sit around wondering what we ever did to entertain ourselves before our little Nut was around.  But, it is just one of my roles and if I am to balance all of them well, I have to be healthy!  I have to have time to retreat to my quiet place so that I can engage with him later (and not go stark raving mad!). Otherwise, he only gets a half-present, eyes-glazed-over me.  However, I'm realizing healthy rhythms don't happen naturally.  I have to be intentional and that takes discipline...something I'm not always good at implementing in my life. 

Being an introverted mother to an extroverted son requires me to intentionally create a give and take in our relationship, granted more give on my part, where we both learn and grow and become well-rounded people.  For example, we have worked up to thirty minutes of quiet time into his daily routine (this is in addition to other times that he plays on his own), where he gets to read books or do puzzles or anything not involving his guitar and screamer-rock in his room, and I get to sit on the couch and breathe or read or stare at the wall.  Sometimes, as an introvert, just sitting in a room where furniture is my only company feels like I'm breathing in freedom.  At first he didn't like it, but he's learning that a little space and quiet never hurt anyone...in fact it can be life-saving (his to be precise, ha).  Then, having had a few minutes of space I can invest more of me into time spent with him.

I'm also blessed to have a husband who sees the ins and outs of child raising as a team effort. He gladly takes over when I need a break, often gets up with the kid and lets me sleep a few extra minutes, and takes his role as a dad very seriously.  He whole-heartedly supports me pursuing my passions, and we have the blessing of flexibility as missionaries to take parenting shifts.  He encourages me to take time to invest in our ministry and I am so grateful for that.  Being able to use my gifts and talents in and outside the home helps me remember that I'm an important part of God's Kingdom work!

Through trial and error I'm working on getting into a healthy rhythm.  Ideally it will include regular devotional times, exercise, daily (intentional) activities with Little Man, scheduled work hours where I can be out of the house and contributing to ministry, a weekly outting by myself to drink coffee, think, and write, among other things.  So far it's a work in progress.

We're women, not just moms, and as Christ-followers we have to steward our lives to serve the Lord.  We can't be everthing to everyone, but we can be who God created us to be!  Don't just take my word for it.  Much of the reading material that has fueled my thoughts in this area are the following...

• Don't Carpe Diem - A post from Momastery about surviving motherhood!
• Mothering as an Introvert - A helpful post full of tips for saving your mental health as an Introverted Mother!
• The Missional Mom: Living with Purpose at Home and in the World - A must read for all Christian mothers!  The book explores in both Biblical and practical ways the truth that women were made to be followers of Christ; which often includes but is not limited to our roles as mothers.
• Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture - This book has so many helpful truths about living to our fullest as Introverts and setting healthy rhythms for our lives.
• On Becoming Toddlerwise & On Becoming Childwise - A lot of wisdom about parenting young kids are packed into these books!  Our own "quiet times" are a result of some of the suggestions in them.