"What I love most about rivers is:/You can't step in the same river twice/The water's always changing, always flowing/But people, I guess, can't live like that/We all must pay a price/To be safe, we lose our/chance of ever knowing/What's around the riverbend/Waiting just around the riverbend."I'm pretty sure I could hear you singing that. Don't deny it. It's a classic free-spirit anthem! I won't get on a soapbox here, but in Myers Briggs terms she is very "P" (Percieving) and since she is the spiritual heroine of the film it rather leads you to think that her outlook on life is the best, but it's hard to swallow as a "J" (Judging). It's true that you can't step in the same river twice (if you're refering to the specific river content), but as a "J" that's a little disconcerting. People like me give that song its mournful edge.
You won't see me leaning forward in my canoe, wind whipping my hair. I will likely have my hair sensibly pulled back, I might have a map, and I will be proceeding with due caution around the next bend, with a mental escape plan ready if anything goes wrong. I'm the kid that, while learning to drive, pressed on the gas and yelped, "Too fast!" as we hit 10 mph (unfortunately I grew a lead foot after that). It's not that I'm not having fun, I just like to be prepared.
Both approaches have their positives and negatives. I mean, when your free-spirited self crashes on a rock around the bend, I'll have aleady imagined a plan that will save your life. And, sometimes, my kind of people need to enjoy the ride a little bit more because we're going around that river bend whether we want to or not.
Life the last few years has felt like smashing into unseen rocks around the corner...it's made me tired of change. But, it has also taught me that all the planning in the world doesn't stop change from coming, and sometimes the blow is lessened when I go with the flow. Isn't it true that a loose body sustains less damage than a rigid one in an accident? I thought I heard that one time. If not, it should be. It's absolutely true emotionally.
I'm entering a new season in ministry. I'm taking on a role as Church Plant Coordinator and I'm thrilled and scared to death. I love a challenge, but mostly I love it when I know what the challenge is and feel it is highly likely that I can be victorious. I'm nervous to jump into this particular canoe, because it's heading for river bends that I have never explored before. I have no back up plan. I have a very rudimentary map. Part of my nature (the "N" Intuitive side) is thrilled by all of the possibilities, but this is in constant tension with the part of me that sits white-knuckled, screaming (in my head and, on occaision, aloud) WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING???!!!!!!
I don't know what's around the next river bend and that thrills and terrifies me. I'm mentally and emotionally working to loosen my expectations of perfection and fear of failure. I'm trying to put into practice the years of lessons that God has been teaching me about trusting in Him. I pray that God uses me, and our church plant team, to bring glory to His name in North St. Louis, and it will bring Him so much more glory if He is in complete controll! I want to get by on my own competence, but that won't cut it this time. It has to be the Lord.
Just around the river bend are possibilities, challenges, victories, failures and it will be God's grace alone that makes it possible to navigate any of those things. God's grace brings victory. God's grace brings beauty out of failures.
Knowing God's grace is just around the river bend makes it easier to smile as the current pulls me toward the unknown (don't worry I won't break into song, no one wants to hear that!).
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